Most of the time God gives us answers to our doubts indirectly, in the way we've never expected before.

This is what I've learned over and over, because sometimes when my heart was so far from God, my mind was also very dull and forgot that everything happened had a reason -that is, the answer to our questions.

I have this doubt since 2 years ago, that is to study abroad. I was planning to take a postgraduate study abroad, find a job there, and apply a PR. For a grown-up my age, living together with parents and older siblings makes me unable to live independently. I want to break free and test my own survival ability. Also, if something happened in this country, at least there is a relative living overseas my family can go to for a shelter.

As I started the preparation by choosing a destination, preparing the language, and so on, my doubt increased. No matter how bad I want to go, I still can't leave my parents. I feel too selfish thinking of my own matter and not thinking about them. Although I've been working for 5 years, my saving probably is not enough for paying the living cost and I still need to rely on my parents' money. I also can't bear a thought of hearing a bad news about my family here at the time when I can't be with them. My Mom was my closest person and I'm my Mom's. I can't imagine how to be separated so far not only in term of time but also distance.

I often asked my friends, which one you will choose: parents or good career/future ?
One of my friends choose parents. I too think that career can be sought but nothing will ever replace parents and family. I kept praying for answers, and finally I think I know the answer.

The current global economic crisis is God's answer.
Last year's appendictomy was also a sign for an answer.

If I didn't undergo a surgery last year, most likely I'd been in Singapore or somewhere in Europe/America studying.
If I was currently overseas, I would get the impact of economic crisis and couldn't get what I wished for: a job.
My parents would be troubled thinking how to pay the tuition and living costs since foreign exchange rate rocketed.

So the answer: it's not the right time to go overseas.
Maybe later, maybe not, well, whatever God's plan is I'm sure it's the best for me.

So, if I finally find my answer, how about you? :)